so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
