and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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