Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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