I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
