I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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