I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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