I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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