Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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