I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
