tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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