i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
