Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
