and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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