me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
