I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
