I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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