Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
