Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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