??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
