I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
