Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
