I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
