her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
