I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
