Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
