I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
