Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you would pick up someone in the library
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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