i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
