Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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