I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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