My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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