The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
