Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
