brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
