i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
