somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
