i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
