I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
