I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
