You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
