So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
