But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
