Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
