I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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