so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
