wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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