i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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