I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
