I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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