Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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