Define "chronic" masturbator.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
