Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
