so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I didn't notice because vodka
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
