I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
