I wanna passion pit in your ass
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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